Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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