You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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