Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
