In the future we'll all be gay
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
