yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
