I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
