I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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