her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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