I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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