I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
