you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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