I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
