it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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