She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Randomize
