So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
well, you know. whores of a feather.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
