Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
