he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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