I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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