Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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