im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
