All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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