Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
