Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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