i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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