He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
