I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
