Cold hands, warm shart.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
