I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
