I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
