I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
