Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
