i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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