And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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