I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
