Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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