so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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