'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
