I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
