She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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