Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
