Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
