One girl and one boy is just not enough.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
