I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
