I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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