8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
