Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
