His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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