Already got asked if we're dating
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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