you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just pee around me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
