I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
