just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
