it wasn't lemon gatorade
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
