No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
