Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
