it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
